#1

Hindi kona alam kung pano ko pa siya kakausapin. It hurts to see her posts like that kaya I've decided, hindi na muna ako mag-oopen ng fb. Kasi pag nakikita ko siyang ganun, lalong sumasakit. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung tama 'tong ginagawa ko. Yung sabi kong alam ko pagsisisihan ko, pinagsisisihan ko na ngayon ha ha. Ang hirap ng wala siya. Ang hirap pilitin sanayin ang sarili opposite sa totoong nakasanayan mo. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Gusto kong sabihin na "mahal na mahal kita" at sana maayos pa. Pero hindi ba sobra na nagawa ko? Ayoko na mahurt siya lalo. "Tama na" pero sabi ng puso at isip ko kausapin mo na.

Para akong nakikipaghabulan sa nararamdman ko at sa ano dapat. Pabalik balik. pabalik balik sa gustong gusto ko na masabing tahan na andito na ako at sa tama na.
Darn tears.

Sana hindi niya maisip na wala akong pake. Sana hindi niya maisip na binabalewala ko ang lahat kasi sobrang hirap. Mahal na mahal ko siya :'( Ito na ba yun? Yung love na "All I know is I love you too much, to walk away though" tanga ko. Sa totoo naman ayokong mag walk away. Magang maga na mata ko haha pero tama na.Tama na nga ba? DARN MIND :'(

Who am I kidding, she doesn't deserve me. I am a ticking bomb na pag natrigger, sasabog ng puro KASINUNGALINGAN at PROBLEMA. And I don't fcking deserve her. She's the best out there. Sana hindi siya magbago. Thank God, maraming andiyan para sa kanya. At ako? Siya lang naman ang partner ko eh. Nawala pa. Dahil sakin haha. Okay lang. Decision ko ito. Hindi ko kailangan ng kahit sino. Kailangan ko siya. Stop. Hindi. Okay lang. Okay lang ako. You've done enough bullsht, Kor. Don't hurt her again. Ito siguro yung consequence haha. Na mag-isa ako. Tama. Deserve ko yun. Deserve ko 'to. And she deserves to be happy.

She deserves the best. Sana someday, maging better ako at maharap ko siya ng maayos at maexplain ko at masabi ko lahat ulit nararamdaman ko. Kasi hindi hindi ko kaya hindi na 'to mawawala. Ayaw ko mawala. The thought of her is my strength. And the thought of her being happy, even if I'm not the reason, is my SUNSHINE in this deep dark side and life for me.

I hope she knows that I love her so much. Sobra. Siya lang wala ng iba. And I hope someday she finds her new happiness and I'd be here in the shadow, babantayan ko siya. and I'd always be here for her.

This is me. This is my regret. She's not my regret. The only regret I have is letting her go.
Oh God please please please, give us both strength, especially her. I love her. Sakin na madala lahat ng kamalasan. wag lang sa kanya. I miss her. That kind of miss that I'd stare at her picture on my phone for hours. Read our convos and cry. I miss her that even a second seeing her would make my heart skip a beat. I miss her. I love her. Hindi ko alam na yung love na 'to masasaktan ko pa siya. Itong love na 'to magadala sa maraming problema. Dahil sakin. Nawala lahat. Deserve ko 'to.

I hope she becomes happy. And be my SUNSHINE in this darkness. Kahit ang sobrang init ng sun masakit. Kahit maging sobrang sakit. Kahit sobrang sakit na. I will never leave her. and when she needs me, I'd be there for her. To see her happy, makes me very happy.

I love her and God, I wish I could say this is all a dream. And in reality, I'd do everything right. Or I'd try to make everything right. Everything right that she wouldn't have to be sad and away from me. Everything right that I could tell her I love her every single chance I could get. Everything right that I wouldn't just be there for her but I am with her. Beside her. Ha. Tears.